No Apologies

I make no apologies for the way I raise my children.  Please don't mistake that statement for aggression or misguided confidence.  

I am not perfect but I like to think I'm more informed than the average bear.  I'm a big fan of research.  I might research until I'm blue in the face, try something and find out years later that it wasn't the right path (I'm totally NOT referencing Ethan's eating habits . . . nooooo.)  But at least I'm not swallowing and regurgitating common rhetoric on the matter. 

While I might nod and make assenting noises to well meaning (insert person here) who is giving advice, in the end I'm still the mom.  It isn't like I don't LISTEN to advice or stories, because after all I'd be an eejit not want to hear different stories/methods but by now I'd like to think I know what sort of works with my kids.  I mean, it isn't like I spend all the time with them or anything. 

I will be the first to give a general shout out when I'm stumped.  Platitudes are as useless to me as tits on a bull.  Stop it!  Also the "humorous negative" comments can go hide in hole as well.  The "oh you think it is bad now . . ." comments?  How is that even remotely helpful?

And how on this green earth did the myth of Terrible Twos persist?!  Threes TRUMP twos any day! 

For me it is the knowledge that I'm literally help to shape my child's perception of the social dance that is vastly overwhelming.  Right, wrong, ginormous ass gray area . . . I mean, society is a frickin' mine field.  You are bound to offend someone no matter what you say (I've probably already done it in some manner in this very post!)

The easy ones:  no biting, hitting, kicking, punching, spitting, pinching, farting on your brother's head, being mean to animals.
The hard ones:  Everything else.  Making a very LOUD comment in the store that is either personal or referencing someone rightthere.  Another hard one is how to act when around other family members.  Okay, so you can do THIS with (insert family member) but NOT at home because we don't do that here.

SO MUCH GRAY AREA!!!!!!

I think, in the end, it is important to me that my children know that I'm a human being with faults and emotions.  My job is not to be their friend, I am their MOM.  If I become their friend, if I earn their trust and become someone they can lean on for support then BONUS. Who doesn't want their children to like them?  I know shaping a toddler is hard, but I'm sure to be knocked off my feet when presented with much more difficult moral situations later on.  I'm aware it gets harder, different, more challenging in different ways.  But it doesn't matter.  It is my job. 

You will learn to say please, thank you, pardon me and cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough.  You will learn that mommy prefers hugs and kisses over shoves and shouts.  You will learn to respect your family/teachers/whomever is the boss (not you) and be polite.  You will learn that those things sticking out of the side of your head are for listening.   And that annoying buzz in your ear?  That is your mom, telling you things because she has been there, done that, and wants to spare you a little of the hurt.  But don't worry, I'll let you fall too - in a more controlled way if I can help it - because that is part of learning too. 

Some days I think being a parent is hard, but I remind myself that being a toddler can be EVEN HARDER than I can imagine or remember.  Having to learn the social dance from scratch, all over again, it is daunting as well.  If I get frustrated and yell at him for something, how would I feel if the roles were reversed?  How many parents think of the fact that they need to respect their children as well as the other way around?  Hang in there kids, life is a wild ride.    

Ethan, my 3 1/2 year old.  How are you so smart?  Your vocabulary and deductive reasoning are astounding.  You are amazing.  You are my cuddler, my kisser, my hugger, my snuggler and I vow to NEVER turn away a hug or a kiss.  You love books, dinosaurs, sea life, wild life, bugs, and hanging out with your "brudder."  You don't like getting your hair wet, lady bugs, cheese (are you EVEN my child?!) and your ears are sometimes non-functioning appendages.   You are a great exploring partner if we can get you to stop massacring all the bugs with big sticks. 

Toby, my (almost) 11 month old.  How did you get so big?  You are quick to laugh, a lover of all foods and are beyond smitten with your brother and the cats.  You show joy as quickly as frustration and are amazingly strong and nimble of body.  Let's hope when the day comes that we tackle potty training you just DECIDE to do it and surely it will be accomplished within the hour.  You don't like to cuddle, are a bit rowdy with most things but your inquisitiveness nature is infectious.  You don't mind water on your face, LOVE the bathtub and are a great traveler.  You are calm and easy when you are fed and rested, a tornado of fuss when otherwise.  I think as long as you have your trusted bunny at one side and your brother on the other you could conquer the world.

Being a parent isn't all rainbows and happiness, but the tough times fade and soon melt out of view.  Those few weeks of "Terrible Twos?" I vaguely remember them.  The Tyrant Threes might stick a bit longer but are sure to fade as well.

I'll say this to all new moms (because I like to keep it real.)  Forgive yourself for those times when you lose your temper.  Your mom, grandmother, aunt, best friend, co-worker with grown children don't REMEMBER where you are now, with your newborn, infant, toddler.  The hard times fade (mostly) and are replaced with joy.  For those of us in the trenches we can ease the hardships of this battle by banding together - using HUMOR and maybe a bit of sarcasm to knock off the sharp edges of those first handful of years.  The days of smiling and pretending I am Suzie Homemaker will never happen in my house.  If you are that perfect mom, I applaud you, I wish I knew your secret.