Thursday, November 21, 2013

When I am 4 . . .

Lately Ethan has been reassuring me he will do/eat all sorts of things, "When I am 4 years old." 

Well, I tried to tell him that his birthday is 2 weeks away and then he'll have to eat my pasta (or insert any other food item that isn't fish sticks, carrots and apples.)  But you know, that whole pesky concept of time thingie just hasn't sunk in yet. 

Tonight I made burritos.  I had 3 different proteins, rice and various veggies.  I knew going into it that Ethan would be resistant.  But I also KNOW they do similar things at his school.  And yes, I also know that he eats certain things ONLY at school . . . like cheese pizza for example.  Note to self: find out how they make their cheese pizzas.

So yea, my kid went to bed hungry.  Because even though he constructed his burrito.  He refused to eat it.  It made me sad, it made him sad, but I couldn't waver.  I can't keep making him a separate meal when I have Toby over there, chubby hands wrapped around a whole frickin' burrito om-noming it down.  There was no fight, just a little crying and a lot of reassurance from me that the food was safe and that I didn't want him to go to bed hungry . . . but he still did.  And I feel like the worst mom in the world. 

Even though I sang him a special dragon song, found him the dragon "with wings only MOM," and gave him so many hugs and kisses he asked me to leave . . . he didn't eat dinner.  I know, logically, that he will be okay but it is hard to think past the "failure" alarm going off in my head. 

I am thankful that my kids are so brilliant and resilient that they can persevere despite my hiccups.  I can only hope that I stay on the right track at the right time to support them . . . always.

Ethan's birthday is coming up and I've chosen to have no presents at his party.  Birthdays are not about presents.  They are about celebrating someone and having fun with family and friends.  So, even though he will have presents at home, hopefully no one will bring any to his party.  At Ethan's age, he doesn't understand that presents, gifts and treats shouldn't be expected and shouldn't be the highlight of a visit or event.  It is time with people.  The hugs, playtime and fun that you have . . . not THINGS.  I truly hope that I can instill him a value that doesn't focus on WHAT he has but WHO he has that loves him.  I am not; however, made of stone . . . I did get him several gifts for his birthday, despite the fact we have so much crap . . . er . . . toys in our play room that I could probably stock a day care.  Time to purge?  Maybe when I'm 4 :)

Tuesday, November 12, 2013


So, in the past month, I've been blessed with two visitors.  My dear friend Charity swooped in for a 4 day whirlwind visit and it was awesome.  Now, my momma is here.  She has less than a week left in her visit and I'm finding that I don't want her to go.  I think having her here right now has been a life saver.  Not only is my "fairy" doing my laundry, dishes and cat boxes . . . on top of wrangling children, but she has given me the confidence to muck out my Room of Doom. Hopefully, when she leaves I will be more caught up . . . if nothing else having this support right now has been a balm to my nerves.

But in another realm, this past month has been devastatingly eye opening.  My dad is very, very sick.  Knowing that people don't live forever and being faced with said mortality are two very different beasts.  As my sisters and I deal with the reality of the situation our physical distance from one another feels razor sharp.  I'm doing what I can from thousands of miles away but Christmas plans are on hold (after they were completely dashed not too long ago) and I'm torn between wanting to enjoy my time with my momma and running back down to Florida to see my dad.

This time that my mom is experiencing in my "zone" with my precious boys is once in a lifetime.  Toby is growing so fast.  Every day it seems to be a new word or "trick."  Ethan is an amazing little boy . . . so full of questions it can be mind boggling. 

I have planned Ethan's birthday party for December 1st (his actual birthday) but haven't sent out the invites or even started planning it yet . . . STRESSOMGSTRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  But I'll get there.  I will get invites out this week (yes I will . . . somehow) and then I will figure out a menu and hopefully get it all done before the birthday!!

So many things, my head is spinning.  So many emotions . . . so much to be thankful for right now. 

Saturday, November 2, 2013


So . . . these past few weeks have not been "fun."  Plans for the holidays have been in upheaval, Luka was diagnosed with cancer and 3/4 of the Jeans' clan have been sick with the plague that spread through Ethan's preschool like wildfiiiiiiiiiire.

But I did send Ethan to school on Thursday for the Halloween party.  He still had a slight fever but so did every other frickin' kid that was there.  They all sounded the same as well, sniffles and coughs amidst the dressed up creatures.  His teachers (of whom one had been taken out by said plague) were understanding and glad to see him.

Needless to say, having both boys home (SICK) with me all week was um . . . not fun.  I couldn't take them any place because Toby was having a tough time cutting a tooth on top of being a feverish snotty mess.  (Thanks Universe.)

Anyway, my momma arrives in about 3 hours to help me out for 2 weeks and I'm so excited.  Pure, no strings attached, help and quality gramma time.  Woot woot.

Now excuse me while I go take a hot shower and try to cough up some more yummy phlegm.