When I am 4 . . .

Lately Ethan has been reassuring me he will do/eat all sorts of things, "When I am 4 years old." 

Well, I tried to tell him that his birthday is 2 weeks away and then he'll have to eat my pasta (or insert any other food item that isn't fish sticks, carrots and apples.)  But you know, that whole pesky concept of time thingie just hasn't sunk in yet. 

Tonight I made burritos.  I had 3 different proteins, rice and various veggies.  I knew going into it that Ethan would be resistant.  But I also KNOW they do similar things at his school.  And yes, I also know that he eats certain things ONLY at school . . . like cheese pizza for example.  Note to self: find out how they make their cheese pizzas.

So yea, my kid went to bed hungry.  Because even though he constructed his burrito.  He refused to eat it.  It made me sad, it made him sad, but I couldn't waver.  I can't keep making him a separate meal when I have Toby over there, chubby hands wrapped around a whole frickin' burrito om-noming it down.  There was no fight, just a little crying and a lot of reassurance from me that the food was safe and that I didn't want him to go to bed hungry . . . but he still did.  And I feel like the worst mom in the world. 

Even though I sang him a special dragon song, found him the dragon "with wings only MOM," and gave him so many hugs and kisses he asked me to leave . . . he didn't eat dinner.  I know, logically, that he will be okay but it is hard to think past the "failure" alarm going off in my head. 

I am thankful that my kids are so brilliant and resilient that they can persevere despite my hiccups.  I can only hope that I stay on the right track at the right time to support them . . . always.

Ethan's birthday is coming up and I've chosen to have no presents at his party.  Birthdays are not about presents.  They are about celebrating someone and having fun with family and friends.  So, even though he will have presents at home, hopefully no one will bring any to his party.  At Ethan's age, he doesn't understand that presents, gifts and treats shouldn't be expected and shouldn't be the highlight of a visit or event.  It is time with people.  The hugs, playtime and fun that you have . . . not THINGS.  I truly hope that I can instill him a value that doesn't focus on WHAT he has but WHO he has that loves him.  I am not; however, made of stone . . . I did get him several gifts for his birthday, despite the fact we have so much crap . . . er . . . toys in our play room that I could probably stock a day care.  Time to purge?  Maybe when I'm 4 :)