The Winds of Change . . .

On the heels of Toby weaning cold turkey I realized that it was time for me to go back to work.  I had been maintaining that "when Toby weaned" I would look for a job, but truth be told I had been vacilliating quite a bit lately on the whole matter.  Something about your "last baby" makes you hold so tight that your knuckles ache.  Regardless of the weaning, he is STILL my baby and the thought of leaving him in someone else's care during the day sends me into an apoplectic fit. 

But, at the end of the day, this is an amazingly wise decision.  There are the obvious benefits . . . like the financial aspect, but also the emotional benefits of being a person of worth again in society at large.  I have felt a bit in exile being a SAHM.  I absolutely love being with my boys.  I could eat and drink them up all day and still want to hold them all night . . . but the rest of it is for the birds.  The challenges are obvious.  Finding a job that will justify the cost of daycare for Toby. 

I did find a listing on Friday night that was incredibly appealing (maybe a little exciting) and I mailed in my resume, cover letter, and application the next morning.  Thus far, this is the sole listing that had a salary that would conquer the aforementioned challenge.  I don't truly think I will get this job, and I continue to scour all online listings for openings.  But it would be nice to hope just a little.

It is strange to think of going back to work after 4 years of being at home.  I've enjoyed some of the staying at home - mostly just the boys like I said - but also the clothes part.  It sounds ridiculous, I'm totally aware of this, but my closet is filled with yoga pants and old maternity clothes.  I do have a few nicer things but over the years with fluctuating weight and not being in the work force, the vast majority of my nicer "office" clothing was donated or packed away.

Still . . . I'm excited.  I NEED this.  We need the money and I need a job.  So, here is hoping that employment rides the winds of change because I sorely need the opportunity . . .